Parcel from a Long Distance Friend

Do you have any idea, how joyous it is, to receive a parcel from a long distance friend? No, take a minute to ponder over it. Not any friend but, a very long distance friend. Nuh uh, you haven’t met them, you have no idea how they look and how they sound when they speak. But, above all the appearances and sounds, there is this thing called “feelings”. You have not the slightest idea of their physical being but you know them the best – through feelings. You’ve been with them in the intense, deep-rooted, dark dungeons where they hide their souls. And, they have been with you through this roller-coaster ride and have experienced with you all the bumps and thwacks and bangs in the way.

I have so many friends. Some I met at the University and others I met at work. I go out with them every now and then and when we are together we laugh too much. We party hard and try all kinds of crazy things. All in all, we bond really well. But, are we related by feelings? Or we are only related by the fun we have? Will they be there when I need them? Am I ever going to be able to confide in them during my darkest of hours? It’s embarrassing to say no, but alas, it’s pretty obvious.

But, I have a friend and I can confide in him any time I like. I can pour my heart out to him; show him all the scars and take out all my fury and rage. Whenever, I’m down we get drunk together in the sea of expressions. And when I am happy we celebrate together sitting on a cloud over the top of the moon. We are two people, living at two distant ends of the world connected by feelings.

This noon, my doorbell rang, I called out ‘who’s there’ and the postman said, “A parcel from San Diego, USA.” I couldn’t believe it. My dear long distant friend sent me a parcel. I could feel him in the warm gesture. I could smell him in that little package. I couldn’t bring myself to open it. You know how you get this strange feeling when you’re holding something sacred; that parcel felt sacred somehow. I felt this profound desire to keep the package somewhere, where I can see it all the time and my eyes could savour the paper of the curvy envelope. It was a gift from a friend I have never met but, we are connected; connect in the best way possible. We are connected through feelings.

Thank you Lawrence Freeman. You are unquestionably the best person I know 🙂

P.S. These little creations of yours are amazing. I love all your photographs on them. I always knew your talent was special; never knew it is this extraordinary.. I am so overwhelmed. You simply made my day 😉

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Note: Lawrence Freeman is a long distance friend of mine. Formerly, he was a private investigator but now he’s giving time to his passion – photography. You can visit his photography blog here: Messages Without a Code.

Light over Dark :)

My boat was sinking. I could feel myself drowning somewhere deep inside the ocean of nothingness. I’m panting for air. My lungs are swollen. I need some fresh air. I need to breath immediately. Ain’t I too young to die? I can’t leave the world just yet. I have so many things to do.. But, the darkness is calling me. Is it the other side? Is it the life here-after calling me or am I listening too much in the silence? My blood is a roaring red ocean inside me. It’s rushing through my veins, as if trying to break free, as if trying to spill itself out of me. My heart; it is thumping. Have you ever heard a drum? Yeah, its a drum in my chest. I can hear the drum being drummed in my ear. The sound is getting louder with every thump. Am I really leaving this world? Am I really dying? Like, eyes closed forever, breathing stopped forever?

May be not. May be I am just broken. But, it’s too much for me to take. Oh yes, May be I am broken beyond repair, as if I am being pulled by that deep darkness of despair deeper and deeper. Should I cry? Do I want to cry? No, I want to shriek out loud, loud enough for my demons to hear me. Loud enough to silence all the sounds in my head. I want to let it out, once and for all.

I can see something there, its a ting of light in the darkness. There it is, I can see it. A little more effort and i’ll be there. It’s hard. The darkness is so welcoming. It is like alcohol. Getting tipsy always leads to getting drunk; beyond any sense. But, the light is luring me as well. The darkness or the light? Black or white? What do I choose?

I once read it somewhere: “After every storm, the rainbow shines.”

That is when I chose the light. I emerged stronger than before. Yes, I am going to go to the depths of despair and depression and pain. I am going to break down and cry, and shriek like a maniac. But, the little ting of light will always bring me back from there. You know why? Because I have the guts to choose LIGHT over Dark.

Life and Love

“A love-less life is better than a life-less love”

A little while back, my mind came up with this little phrase from nowhere. I pondered over what I just thought and realized how very true it is.

Couple of weeks back, a friend asked me why I am single. I had to keep my pen aside, role my sleeve up, place my bangs away from my eyes – before I could form a coherent answer. I needed time to phrase this in my head, to muster up the right words to express this feeling.

I told him, “I can’t settle for something less than awesome. I am adamant over my idea of love. If a mere look from him, can’t give me goosebumps, he’s not the one.”

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May be I am asking for too much, but why shouldn’t I? Life has surprised me millions of times, in the most weirdest possible ways. Why not this time?

I am not ready to be in a relationship where my heart isn’t at peace, where it keeps telling me there is something missing. I refuse to be in a relationship where kissing and cuddling are just obligations. I refuse to sleep with him, if it means sex and not love making.

Why are we so afraid of being single? Is it some race, where we’ll be left behind, if we don’t run fast enough? I once told myself that you can never be happy in a relationship, if you cannot be happy being single. We need to keep ourselves happy before we find somebody to share the happiness with.

Don’t go around finding love. Be who you are, do what you are doing and remember to keep your doors open. Love will come to you – all by itself. It’ll embrace you in a peaceful slumber, and will cuddle with you when you wake up.

So here I am, a happy single, ready to take on the world. No, I’m not seeking love. I’m waiting for it to come to me at its convenience. Till then, I’m enough to keep myself happy.

Are you enough for yourself? Think!

Celebrating the Nothingness

So, the entire idea of this blog initiated somewhat dramatically. A damsel in distress or rather a distress, who makes everybody feel like a damsel, felt like writing her heart off one stormy night. She wrote this in the spur of a moment to one of her best friends. Here have a look:

Has it ever struck you, how important it is to write? To take out your pen or may be your type writer and just write your heart off. You know that feeling? The feeling you get at 2:00 am in the morning while working on something. You just feel like dropping everything aside and having some moments with yourself. How poetry sounds even more rhythmic during those hours, how music touches you somewhere deep inside, a depth you never knew existed. Whatever it is, that little feeling, those few minutes or a couple of hours may be, they make you forget all your worries. All you feel is bliss; sheer bliss.
Those few hours with yourself are never about words or actions; they are all about feelings. You feel like opening all the windows, even the ones in the attic, the ones you never opened before and letting the cool breeze in. The music of the breeze just sweeps you off your feet. You feel like dancing, dancing for yourself. You know the dance of celebration? Celebrating what? Celebrating the very moment; celebrating the breeze, the sound of the rain drops falling, celebrating the nothingness of the moment.
The sheer happiness you feel at that very moment can never be exchanged with anything. No high scores, no trophies, no achievements can ever bring that joy to you. And you know whats the best part of this joy? The best part is when we ask ourselves the reason for this happiness and our heart tells us, “Hey little angel, it’s nothing!”. How beautiful it is to be happy for no reason at all.
I don’t have any idea of why am I writing this. I just felt like WRITING you know. And not writing in general, I wanted to write it so that it is read, read and understood and above all… felt. I always used to ask myself if ecstasy exists. I know the answer now; Yes, Oh yes, it does. You do not need to drink to be drunk. Am I babbling like a person who is drunk? May be I’m just tipsy. It’s getting me. You know the night, the grandeur, the beauty, the charisma? Yeah, that’s me Freeman. That’s me.

Cheers!

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A Little Extra!

It’s all about that little extra.

Henna has all that she needs. She has a great job, a wonderful husband, two beautiful kids and what not. Is she happy? Oh yes! During her long working days she feels contented with her job. A satisfaction creeps into her being at the end of each day because of what she produced at work. And she feels amazing when she bakes brownie in the morning and packs it up for her little angel and naughty champ. She feels wonderful when her loving husband gives her a peck after cuddling and reading together and calls it a night. Uh uh! Then what’s missing? If only she had the answer to it.

George always wanted to be an architect and today he got his degree. It’s a day he looked forward to for the last four years. He looked spectacular in his black graduation gown and cap. His old man felt so proud of him. What is better than getting to see tears of happiness in your parents’ eyes because of you. He spent the entire day partying in the beach house with his friends. What a tremendous day it was! But, here he lies in his bed at 2:00 am in the morning pondering over the reason of this unknown desire. If everything’s there then what’s missing? If only he had the answer to it.

And here I am! Studying exactly what I wanted to study, working at a pretty reputed company, teaching at a very famous institute, earning enough to keep my tummy happy or you can say.. very happy, surrounded with friends all around me and still, awake at 12:00 midnight wondering if everything’s alright then what’s missing? If only I had the answer to it.

We are all always seeking for a little extra. What is it? Where is it? Is it definite? Or it keeps changing? Sometimes I wonder its a force; a force that keeps us moving. How stationary life would be if we stop seeking that little extra..

Each day comes with an anticipation bubbling within us. If not for very long, just for a few hours, this anticipation leaves us, what would we be left with? I feel like my life, your life, everybody’s life is like a car and that little extra is the fuel that keeps the car going.. We wouldn’t want the car to stop amid the journey. Would we?

So all my beautiful peeps, keep seeking the little extra in you and around you! And I’m off to bed now. I’ll seek my little extra in my dreams. Cheers 🙂

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