It’s coming. It’s almost here, moving at a speed immeasurable. The unfathomably deep and bottomless sea of gloom and despair – it’s moving towards me ready to elope my being into its intensity. This sweepingly sinister feeling of despondency is creeping through my toes towards my legs, to the pit of my stomach and towards my heart. It’s eating away the pumping little piece of tenderness in my chest. The boisterous ocean of scarlet red is deafening my ears, drowsiness far-reaching my insides. Curling up in the bed under the warmth of the sheets, all I can think of is giving in. I want to give in to the darkness may be just for a bit. I want to lie down and let it take over me..
I’m talking and eating and meeting people. I’m going about the everyday business of life but inside I’m dying; as if some virus has infected my heart and it’s consuming it away, little by little every day.
I never knew tears can be this imperative. They were just some dropping wetness to me until now. They were the moisture that showed vulnerability and defenselessness. But now, today, they seem a lot more than that. Today, they surfaced as my refuge. I want to cry the anguish out. I want to cry so hard that my soul may curl. I want to shed each tear and mean it. I need to cry for hours and days and years and eternities; I need to cry until this frustration goes away, until the muddy land of my heart is wiped and cleaned of any contamination. You know what the worst part is? Tears won’t come to me today. They’re going to play all ‘hard to get’ with me tonight. They’ve betrayed me tonight and left me alone to decay away in my own pool of melancholy and gloom. Indeed, it’s a gloom gloomy night!